As a mom of three who’s been doing this motherhood thing for nearly nine years, I have my moments when I feel like a horrible mom. Sometimes it’s immediately after I say something that I probably shouldn’t have said, and other times it’s at the end of a long day while I’m playing back the day’s events in my mind. I start to mentally do-over the parts of my day that I felt needed a second take. I know, without a doubt, that everyday there has been at least one thing that I could have done better.
And I hate that.
The good thing about my self-hate is that I understand that I’m only human and that I’m going to make mistakes. I know I’m not perfect. Hello, I just said that everyday there is at least one thing I’d do-over. However imperfect the day, I never let that stop me from trying to make tomorrow better. I don’t beat myself up about it or start negative self-talk conversations with myself saying, “I’m a horrible mother.”
I’m an awesome mother.
Ask my kids. They don’t see what goes on in my head and they sure as hell don’t hear me saying bad things about myself out loud. They view me as the perfect mom, even after all the time-outs and melt-downs when they didn’t get their way because “mom” said so.
Their love for me is unconditional.
I think it’s time that moms everywhere start to love themselves unconditionally, too. Here is my list of the top five reasons why you’re already an awesome mother:
Reason #1: This bears repeating because it’s really important to understand: Your kids already believe you’re awesome! If you have a baby who isn’t old enough to express his feelings, trust me, they adore you!
Reason #2: You’re reading blogs like mine, which makes you awesome!
Seriously! If you didn’t care to learn from what other moms have experienced, there would be no need to follow mom blogs, period. Right? Okay, so pat yourself on the back. You’re doing great!
Reason #3: You chose to be a parent.
I don’t care if you gave birth or not to your children: if you are caring for and providing for them and teaching them right from wrong, guess what? You’re a parent and by choice, you knew it wasn’t the easy one to make. We live in a world where, sadly, abortion is an option, so the fact that you decided to give life to a child and care for them, to me, says you’re an awesome mother.
Reason #4: God chose you.
Again, this doesn’t matter if your children are biologically yours or not. God put those kids in your path for a reason. He knew you could do it. He knew you were strong and brave enough to take on the challenge. He trusted you. Don’t you think it’s time that you trust yourself? You can do this. God thinks you’re an awesome mother!
Reason #5A: You gave birth. (If you didn’t, skip to Reason #5B.)
It doesn’t matter if you had a natural birth, c-section, or pushed the baby out without feeling a thing – you had a baby, woman! Babies are little miracles and only woman have the chance to do this (with a dude’s help, of course). Because you did it, you’re an awesome mother!
Reason #5B: You are raising another woman’s child.
Whether it’s an adoptive relationship or a step-child, it takes a big woman to fill the role of mom. While you could never replace their biological mother, parenting a child that isn’t your own says a lot about your character. It says that you don’t care about genetics and that you only care about doing what’s right: to raise the child as your own. Woman who raise other woman’s child are awesome mothers!
You see, you have it in you to be a great mom because of all these reasons. Continue to learn from other moms and encourage them in healthy ways. Just as how you have days when you feel like a horrible mom, other moms have those days, too. Be kind and understanding if you run into another mom during one of her rougher days. You cannot always tell from the surface what she’s dealing with in her home, so please don’t judge or compare yourself to them – in either a positive or negative way. It isn’t healthy to compare, unless you’re comparing yourself to yourself. Strive for improvement, not perfection. The only promise that you can make to your children is that you will be an awesome mom, not a perfect one.
Now go be awesome.