As I write this, I’m struggling to figure out a way to convey the message buried deep inside. I’m stuck on this egoic message telling me I don’t have an authority on the topics I want to write about.
I can’t help but cry trying to come up with the words. But I think I’m slowly breaking out of my cocoon. I’m not yet a butterfly, but I feel as though I finally figured out what I am. It’s as if, all this time, I thought I was just stuck inside a dark place and now I’ve discovered that I’ve just been preparing for flight.
That’s probably the crappiest analogy ever.
But, that’s what it feels like. My tears, they’re of excitement that I’m finally breaking free of these walls as I fly out into the life I’m meant to live.
And, if I’m being honest, I don’t feel right sitting back, undergoing transformation, while everyone watches.
I feel the judgement. I feel the jealousy and envy. I can hear you saying that you don’t give a shit about my feelings.
“Good for you.”
“What about me?”
And that’s why I’m doing this. I’m committing time, energy, and tears to sharing my experience, breakthroughs, and how I’ve reaches that place of realizing I’m bigger than myself. Books helped. Meditation helped. Supplements and yoga helped. Honoring myself helped. All while digging myself out of a dark place, my lowest-low. Sitting here now I can say that those moments were the best thing to happen to me. It forced me to question everything and to seek answers.
But, I’m not an expert. In fact, you and I are the same. I’m not special. You have everything I have.
Except, I’m afraid the world isn’t ready to listen. I’m afraid I’m going to lose friends. When all this fear keeps asking me to hold back, it’s not easy to follow my heart.
This is a time where everyone has something to say and my messages could get lost in the sea of thought. There are plenty of people out there who are well established and respected in the self-help/personal development world. What could I possibly give that they haven’t already?
That’s a horrible question.
That’s my fear talking. It implies that the mission in my heart doesn’t matter.
Ouch. The mission in my heart doesn’t matter? Then what the hell is it doing there then, huh?
I don’t know, but I’ve resisted that spark inside for too long. And I know this because my world collapsed. Those experiences of darkness don’t just happen for no reason.
True, I’m not an expert. I’m not someone who studied personal development in school. I’m just a self-help junkie with strong intuitive feelings. I love reading about things like how the mind works. I like digging for truth and understanding behind why things like meditation, yoga, and mindfulness help block out the crazy and lead to focus and clarity.
I don’t need authority or some fancy degree to share what I believe to be true.
I can’t be sure that sharing any of my thought process will help except help you not feel crazy – give you someone you can relate to. I want you to understand that I’m learning as I go along and sometimes I fall back to old, destructive patterns. I’m human. I’m never going to be the perfect teacher. But I promise I’ll always tell it like it is.
The goal here isn’t to aim for perfection. The goal is to become the highest version of yourself, and while that may take a lifetime, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth the effort. Because if I wait my whole life before feeling like I’m finally an expert on this topic of improving your life before sharing my story with the world, I will miss an opportunity to create meaningful impact on the lives of many. I’m not willing to let that pass me by.
I must live the life I was meant to live today, not tomorrow.
And so must you.